“That’s Bekah. She loves to write…” For most of my life that’s how others saw me. I honestly can’t blame them- I have a long history with valid evidence to prove them right. I dreamed of being on the best seller list since I was nine. There is always a book, notepad, and a pen in my bag. My blogger name, Lexibex, has become almost a nickname by a few friends. But now? Things change. Life goes on, and sometimes what used to define you becomes more of a background detail.
Like most stories, this one needs to be explained from the beginning. I was a bit of a nervous child, and one of the things I did to help was vent my doubts on paper. I would daydream, and write that down as well- there was even a time I convinced myself that I had superpowers (the ability to see air and to climb really well, if you really must know) and tried to make a comic book about it (spoiler alert: I don’t have superpowers. Yet.). My childhood was a mix of my head in the clouds and a crayon in my hand. To this day I am still finding notebooks full of worry and fantasy in the handwriting of a wound up second grader, reminders of the scared little frizz I once was.
The peak of my “she loves to write” was from middle school to the recent past. I started my first blog when I was 12 under the name Kurligirli. On that poorly designed piece of the internet I spent my time composing essays about the dangers of junior high and handing out my two cents on life. There’s even an entire post dedicated to cute emojis I had on my computer at the time. Shortly after Kurligirli came Lexibex, the witty teen book reviewer. Lexibex got me quite a few places, including a long run as a writer/reviewer on a national YA novel website, chances to chat with best-selling authors, and several free books. While Lexibex is still active, the posts are less frequent and the gig with the reviewers has come to an end.
Somewhere in that crazy time, two major writing related things happened: I started to journal, and my mom became a columnist for the KC Star. Instead of focusing on getting published, I had turned to writing my own private work and helping edit someone else’s. That’s mostly what’s left for now; an occasional book post, a daily journal, and time with a self-proclaimed “awkward extrovert” needing help finding her weekly ideas.
Things change. Writing used to be who I thought I was, but it has switched into more of a background detail. The unedited drafts that wait patiently in my computer may not be opened for a very long time. Journal entries could get shorter, blog posts less and less frequent… and that’s okay. Life without change is dull and hardly worth exploring. The passion could come back, it could not. Until the day I know for sure, I’m more than content being “Bekah. She loves to write… but can’t wait to see what else she will end up loving.”
*This was originally used as an essay for my English class.
To my readers- This is NOT a goodbye! I know that this website has been really quiet, and you deserved an explanation.